Let me ask you a question. When you picture a scholarly gent pondering the world's secrets in his study, what do you picture him drinking? When captains of industry strike upon historic innovation, what is their drink of choice? What fills the glasses of generals strategizing how to turn the tide of war? I doubt you picture these men holding an aluminum can. A rocks glass or snifter is surely what they hold.
Don't get me wrong. After working in the heat of the day, splitting wood and what-have-you, I too enjoy a well brewed beer. But it's really more like a Gatorade without the sissy colors than an adult beverage. 3%? C'mon. When the time comes to engage in thoughtful discussion with your bearded brethren about the development of civilization and such, the hard stuff is the smart choice.
Am I talking about getting hammered? No. A man never loses control of his faculties and knows not to drink to drunkenness. I'm talking about elevating your manly status. Do you want to be another Homer Simpson of the world? Or are you ready to join the ranks of scholars, generals, and generally awesome men whose refined pallets prefer a more masculine drink? Then it's time to ditch the beer and grab the booze.
Along with the instant status boost, the switch from beer to liquor has other benefits. Alcohol itself has calories. Distilled drinks get their calories almost solely from alcohol (unless they have some girly flavors added). Beer has added carbs from the grains used in brewing. That means your pour of scotch has about 2/3 the calories of a beer. That's a significant difference over the course of a night if you have 2-3 drinks. Even just having a drink at the end of the day a couple times in a week can move you further from sea captain and closer to Simpson.
If you're a regular beer drinker and have noticed that dad bod creeping up on you, this is a quick change to make. Start enjoying the refinement of bourbon, scotch, brandy, etc., and feel the immediate elevation of respect given by your peers and gradual decrease in pant size.
Pro Tip: The smell of scotch is a natural aphrodisiac, especially when blended with the scent of beard oil.
I personally prefer scotch. What is your go to bevy of choice for asserting your manliness?